Some folks love to be surprised. They enjoy the rush of excitement when something they were not expecting introduces a bit of joy into their day. These are the individuals who would love it if you threw them a surprise birthday party and who are nearly as delighted by small surprises (a sale on a favorite snack, say). Maybe you fall into this category.
Some folks dread being surprised. They want things to be predictable, and the idea of a surprise upending their routine can cause anxiety. These are the individuals who will be less than thrilled if you throw them a surprise birthday party and who experience nearly as much dread when it comes to small surprises (a higher-than-expected price on a favorite snack, say). Maybe you fall into this category.
There is a good chance you fall somewhere in between those two extremes. You might enjoy the occasional fun surprise, and you might dread something that pops up and disrupts your day. And of course, the details of any given surprise will affect your response. There is a big difference between getting a surprise bonus at work and being laid off unexpectedly, for example. Those might both be surprises, but few people are going to be equally happy or unhappy about both of them.
For a person in recovery from a substance use disorder, surprises can be problematic whether the surprise is good or bad. That is because so much of the recovery journey is built around routines. You go to your 12-Step (or other recovery program) meetings. You exercise regularly and stick to a regular bedtime. You make sure to schedule time to spend with friends and family, to engage with a hobby you enjoy, and to simply rest and recharge. And that is just scratching the surface of the routines you may have in place to help you keep your recovery intact.
Surprises of all kinds can upend your routines. That, in turn, can upend your recovery. So let’s take a look at some strategies for dealing with the inevitable surprises that are going to arise from time to time.
Surprises That Cause Anxiety
Many times, a surprise can spark feelings of anxiety—even when the surprise is a positive one. A surprise is unexpected by its very nature, and something unexpected can lead to feelings of uncertainty. Feelings of uncertainty can easily lead to feelings of anxiety.
That turn of events can be a problem for someone in recovery if they are tempted to turn to drugs or alcohol to quell the anxiety they are experiencing. In fact, your substance use disorder may have been entangled with feelings of anxiety all along. So keeping anxiety at bay is important.
To do that, you might employ the technique known as box breathing. Or you might try a countdown exercise that engages your senses and tamps down rising anxiety. Taking a little time to regain your footing after a surprise is always a good idea when you are in recovery.
Surprises That Cause Anger
Sometimes, a surprise can spark anger. It might not even be particularly clear why the anger wells up, but when it does, it can cause you to feel out of control. You might even lash out at a person you associate with the surprise. That lashing out can damage relationships in the short term—and even in the longer term.
Using drugs or alcohol can be a tempting way to try to address intense feelings of anger. But, of course, that is something you absolutely should not do. Instead, try to step away from the situation. You might find the techniques we mentioned above to be helpful, too. And when you have the anger under control, it is a good idea to apologize to anyone who was caught in the path of your angry reaction to a surprise.
Surprises That Cause Excitement
It might seem as though a surprise that causes you to feel excited could not possibly pose a risk to your recovery. But an exciting surprise can lead to feelings of elation and a sense of invincibility in the moment. It might seem perfectly fine to celebrate this positive surprise with your drug of choice or some alcohol. You might chalk that up to celebration and figure it is no big deal.
That is a dangerous way to think, as it could easily be the first step on the road to relapse. Better then, to keep a level head even when you are delighted by a surprise. There are plenty of ways to celebrate that do not involve drugs or alcohol. Enjoy the genuine feelings of pleasure that the surprise causes. Those feelings are far better than any you might get from returning to substance use.
No Surprise Here: The Farley Center Can Help
If you are struggling with drugs or alcohol, you need to get yourself into treatment right away. At The Farley Center, located in Williamsburg, Virginia, we offer evidence-based treatment plans that are personalized to meet your specific needs. You can rely on our expertise, experience, and empathy as we help you get substances out of your system and give you the tools and the confidence to start your recovery journey. Let’s get started.
