Many of us look up to our parents. Sure, they probably weren’t perfect, but they protected and encouraged us throughout our childhoods, taught us right from wrong, and stood by us during some difficult moments. In many cases, parents demonstrate unconditional love, going to great lengths to help and support their children—even when the children are disrespectful, troubled, or irresponsible. Parents sacrifice for their kids and, by and large, do their best to get them off to a good start.
But parents are just people—people susceptible to the same pitfalls we all face, including substance abuse. A parent suffering from a substance use disorder can be heartbreaking to witness. Faced with this situation, you might struggle with how best to help.
Maybe your longstanding image of your parent is jeopardized by their substance use, and you’d prefer to ignore it. Maybe you’re worried that any intervention from you will be poorly received and seen as a sign of disrespect. Maybe you just don’t know how to start a conversation about such a difficult subject.
All of those feelings are understandable. But just like a parent who must tackle tricky subjects with a child, sometimes an adult child must tackle tricky subjects with a parent. Making sure your parent gets help for a substance use disorder may be difficult, but it is among the kindest things you can do for the person who raised you.
The Right Time Is Right Now
It’s possible that you’ve known about your parent’s reliance on drugs or alcohol since you were a child. Or perhaps the problem developed after you were out of the house. In the first case, you might feel like it’s far too late to intervene now. In the second case, you might feel like the problem isn’t yours to address.
In either case, you’d be wrong.
It is always the right time to help a loved one with a substance use disorder—and it is never too late to help that person make a change that will improve their life.
Be Prepared to Face Some Resistance
While you may be feeling some trepidation about addressing substance abuse with your parent, remember that your parent is probably feeling lots of emotions, too. Those emotions may cause your parent to be defensive, angry, or uncommunicative when you try to talk with them. If this happens, it might help to think of your parent as the recalcitrant teenager you might have been—and how your parent never gave up on you no matter how surly you were.
A gentle approach—“Hey, I’ve been worried about you lately. Can we talk about it?”—can get the conversation going. Nonjudgmental descriptions of things you’ve been noticing (like changes in behavior, an increase in alcohol consumption, or apparent dependence on a prescription drug) can help you encourage your parent to open up about how they are feeling or what they are struggling with. At this point, you may be able to ask whether they have considered getting help. There may be an opportunity to help them talk through options for treatment.
No matter how your parent reacts to your questions, it is important to remind them that you love them and want to help. Their pride may stand in the way, but your calm, supportive tone may help break that barrier down. If not, you may need to get some professional assistance.
Consider an Interventionist
If your efforts to connect with your parent prove unsuccessful after a few sincere attempts, it might be time to find a trained interventionist. This individual will have the skills and experience needed to help you and a small group of friends and family effectively confront your loved one in a way that encourages them to acknowledge their substance use disorder and pursue treatment. The interventionist will help you find the right time and place and will likely lead a rehearsal so that everyone is prepared for the conversation to come.
We want to note that kindness is a key element of any intervention. Popular media may have skewed your idea of what an intervention should be like. Done correctly and from a place of love, an intervention need not be defined by anger, accusations, and tears (though some or all of those things may be part of the experience). A professional interventionist can help you achieve a positive result while minimizing the drama.
Remember: It May Be Hard But It Will Be Worth It
We understand that none of what we have talked about here will be easy. Having a conversation with your parent about their substance abuse disorder is undeniably challenging. But the potential results make the effort worthwhile. Your parents have done so much for you. This may be your chance to do something truly life-changing for them.
We Are Here To Help Your Loved One
Farley Center is ready to be the end of one story and the start of another in the life of your parent. Entering treatment is the end of a story of unaddressed substance abuse. Detox and rehab are the first chapters of a new story in which your parent is on the road to recovery, armed with the tools and resources necessary to maintain long-term sobriety. If your loved one is suffering, have that all-important conversation. We’ll be here to help with compassionate, personalized care when your parent is ready.
